I started a complicated love story in 2014, and I finished it last year in 2021. I wrote 'The End' and I felt so accomplished.
I ran to my family and friends telling them how excited I was to share the story with the world.
I built a brand kit for the story.
I reached out to other authors for advice and guidance.
I hired an editor.
I read countless articles on how to self-publish.
I hired an artist to illustrate a brilliant book cover to my specifications.
I pinched my pennies and saved to be able to afford all the associated costs for publication but then came self-doubt.
Sis is a bitch.
Sis had me asking myself questions like: what will people think about you? What if people hate it? What if it doesn't do well? Are you even proud of this story? Is this even a good story? Maybe you're being too unconventional. And then sis asked me the question that stalled all my plans of publishing Soul Ties in November/December of 2021.
Will God be proud of you for writing this story?
Self-doubt finally asked the question I'd been avoiding when I wrote Soul Ties.
The story certainly doesn't carry my Christian values. It certainly doesn't explicitly glorify God and it has a set of complex sinning characters.
Despite all that I love the story. I love the characters and I still want to share them with the world.
But doubt has taken up room in my head and heart.
How do you move forward when you are so uncertain and unsettled internally by the very thing you love. I set up Soul Ties for pre-order on January 1st and by the 8th I forfeited my ability to use Amazon's preorder program for a year because of this doubt.
I'm sharing all this because I'm uncertain and I'm waiting for the uncertainty to pass. I don't know if that's the right decision but I'm looking to God every day and asking him, will you be proud of me if I hit publish?